Okay so get this, my parents go through this constantly, have been for the past ten years! I'm fucking sick of it! I'm so mad and hurt and just! (sighs) The game is this, every few months we threaten Divorce, throw your life into turmoil cause you feel the urge to be here and help us. We sit there adn bitch adn moan and cry and torment ourselves and you. THEN like everything's worth working out we sit back and don't do it and 'work it out' by basically ignoring the problem and pretending we're all right.

This goes on and on, and I feel so fucking bad for mom every fucking time. And I'm sorry about my language, but I'm that upset and that hurt. I help her time and time agian, I comfort her time and time again. I feel bad for her time and time again. Then I feel bad for him even though I'm mad at him. Then I'm confused and angry and hurt! But not once do they seem tor eally get it to understand how it affects me how it torments me. GOSH DAMN IT! It's no wonder I've been suicidal! (Not lately but in 2007 I mean)

I've been angry and upset and just URGH! So what folks is the latest 2 stunts. Okay like........3 months ago, not even, Mom was saying she was gonna leave Dad. He was over spending and pulling them both down. Bankruptcy blah shitting blah. She got upset and depressed anxious and all that! So of course I did too, I tried to help them both through it. THEN like magic poof no divorce after all they should both work it out.

THEN we find out the Friday just before the 4th of July that Dad has a fucking bitch ass girlfriend in florida who is my age practically! All because he's SO lonely and miserable with Mom. She's miserable with him, she's angry at him upset that he cheated on her. THEN she goes off to Grammies. Everything's all set for Dad to get his ASS OUT of this house! Then Mom calls on Saturday and says she wants to work it out she loves him blah fucking BLAH! What the HELL!

So now they are goin to work through it! They're gonna fucking do it again! It's just a fucking game!

Well you know what me and my sisters an dmy nerves are DONE WITH THIS FUCKING GAME!

I'm leaving, I'm getting the HELL out of this HELL HOLE OF A HOME!

I'm going to try and go to college at Westwood on the Virginia Campus. I'm getting the HELL away from it all. Mom can be as sad as she fucking wants to be, she can beg me to stay. I won't fucking stay! I hate it here I hate it I HATE IT! Why does she have to be so fucking weak when it comes to him. I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER put up with such shit! NEVER! If my boyfriend or husband ever cheated his ASS would be GRASS!

(fumes and rants)

Does everyone understand where I'm coming from on this? That this whole damn game and sham of a marraige of theirs is nothin but disgusting and horrible and just WRONG! I'm so sick of it I'm so sick of feeling like I should still love them both! I mean really I'm so mad at my dad and now we're expected to just let it go?! WHAT THE HELL!?! And when I talk to her family and to his, they all say the same. "They're miserable apart" or whatever shit! Well theyr'e MISERABLE TOGETHER! Damn it no one can one with them!

I can't win with them I can't stand them right now I just want to puke I'm so damn HUMILIATED! That yet again they're playing this game. I tell people when its going on and I hate their horrible replies of "Again?!" and its like so humiliating when I hear it. I just want to hang my head and cry from shame! So please people if you've heard me say its happening, and you've heard me say it before, never say it just help me vent and get through it.

I'm so ready to kick ass right now, not yours, my parents, and I'm so sick of this shit! So ......either in August term, (which is coming up fast so I'm not sure if its possible, but defiently by October if I can get the loan money I am OUT of this hell hole! I'm out I"m sooooooooooo in Virginia goin to college. It's sad that I would rather put up with college students whom before I couldn't stand the idea of dealing with. Them compared to my parents is like HEAVEN!

(sighs) So please pray I get the money, that I stay sane, and that my family (Nieces and nephews and sisters) are okay with this move. Quite frankly I wish I could say I don't care what my parents have to say but sadly I'm a fucking idiot there! Where do I listen to them? Why do I let them have a weigh on anything?! They can't even DEAL with their own FUCKED UP LIVES!

(sigsh) Please any and all advice would be welcome, a hug whatever. I'm the true victim here, so is my sisters and nieces and nephews, not my parents. FUCK THEM! (sighs) Sometimes I just wish I could pretend I didn't have this situation period or my parents. But damn it all I love them in the end of it all. Is that fucking sick or what?!

(cries)

Lost and forlorn,

Michelle